The Burdened Life
The Dark Side of Success No One Talks About...
When many guys reach their long-term goals… instead of feeling on top of the world, their lives fall to pieces.
Billionaires feel poor inside… guys with beautiful girlfriends feel miserable... and celebrities like Robin Williams take their own lives.
Why?
Because in their frantic search for success, they’ve missed something important…
After 17+ years coaching and teaching in over 87 countries around the world, I see this happen to guys all the time.
Don’t wake up some day and realize you’ve made the same mistake…
If achievement at the highest level doesn’t bring fulfillment, then what will?
I’ve channeled decades of learning, research, testing and experience into finding the answer.
It’s a lot to share, but if you’d like to find out, you can get started with this video I’ve filmed for you.
Best,
David Tian
86 replies to "The Burdened Life – Lifestyle Mastery"
What’s the chech
What do you mean? You just listen. David will be giving you some of the best advice you will ever hear.
Man you know me right between the eyes every time you talk to me I am a 53 almost 54 year old male. I have a bachelor’s degree but I was also in the Navy for 20 years all of the above I have done without purpose I am currently in a job that’s well beneath my education level. I continue to do it because I feel I must keep stable income to sustain life. Please keep preaching to me hopefully I will get out of this mess that I’m in. I do have a way with women I haven’t taken your course but I have two women that want to marry me. One is beautiful but cannot do much around the house. One is closer to my age but not as beautiful but she come comfort me and do housework so much better than the other beautiful beautiful lady. I am so confused I do not know if want to have a beautiful woman to marry but I enjoy having sex with. Or do I marry you the one that can be more things for me around the house. I am completely lost!
I need help please
Love it, definitely getting this. I have definitely lived a burdened life but have this year been changing that through therapy and really figuring out what I want. I kind of have figured out what direction I want to take but still trying to figure out how to do it and which exact direction to go with it, right now it’s broad.
“Success without fulfillment is the greatest tragedy.” that is hands down one of the best quotes I had ever heard of. I am happy that you spoke on that. It makes so much sense with life, dating, everything. I am really enjoying this video. I just had to stop already and comment. I am hooked. I already feel a little less stressed.
David…lose both…find one that MAKES YOU LEVEL THE FVCK UP and be better!
You can ALWAYS find someone to do “housework”.
There are plenty of women to sleep with.
But, when you find one who makes you want to get out of bed early and OWN THE DAY….that’s the kind of woman you want in your life my friend!
All my best to everyone!
Your friend sounds like me… I married the girl, had the straight A students, a million dollar business… And yet I was not happy. Know what I did? I blew it up! I cheated on my wife and got caught. Our divorce ruined both for my children’s grades in school. I even lost clients and eventually had to sell or sink. Don’t do what I did. Be thankful for what you have. Don’t think a few moments of boredom are worth losing everything. Great video David. Loved it!
I am here looking for my purpose. I am lost man. I am glad I found your video. I am nearly done and I just really wanted to thank you for all this free advice. I have asked all my friends, family, no one could answer me or help me but you manged to do it in under 20 minutes. I am sharing this everywhere. So much value in this video.
With what….
Coming from someone who is 51, someone who just did everything I was told I should want to do and achieve, I am empty. My wife doesn’t know how to talk to me, all three of our children make no effort to communicate anymore.. I am burned out. I feel like I let more than half my life slip away into living someone else’s dream. I love my kids and my wife and I am grateful to have them but work wise, hobby wise, everything else wise.. I feel just empty. I am going to take your advice here. See where it takes me.
My boyfriend is stuck in a rut right now. He finally opened up to me and told me he felt unfulfilled. I took it personal and got very hurt by it. We didn’t speak for over a week. He told me he was sorry and I said he shouldn’t be. I didn’t understand it. I watched this video and now I do. I am going to watch it again when he gets home from work, with him. I think it will help him a lot.
Very good point Greg. I wish I could have any direction figured out. Just about the time that I do, something gets into the way and it drives me nuts!
We are all stuck in one way or another, right? I mean, I feel like I am stuck one week and then the next week things are going great. I might even talk to a new lady friend 🙂 But then the next week I am back into the dumpers.
I have definitely lived a burdened life. Its totally unnecessary and a waste of energy carrying on in that manner. Like you said having all the money and all the girls will not equate to the feeling of being fulfilled and satisfied genuinely. Finding your purpose in this life is the main thing I believe we should be taught when we are young, not chasing money or material things. In this way we can actually spend the majority of our life engaged in the things that are catered to our being.
I want to know what my purpose is now. I don’t want to look back and regret things. This was not only scary but a blessing for me right now. Wow. I am just mind blown. I want to take life by the horns and lead something worth looking back on and smiling over. It isn’t about how much you can get but how much what you have means to you.
Inspirational. Looking forward to hearing more thoughtful insight
This was a nice wake-up call for me. I watched some of your other videos. You are brilliant! I want to move to the states (I am in the UK) and I want more for myself. I am nearly 30 and I want to take control. I want more for myself. It isn’t just about the money for me anymore. I want MORE! I am going to bookmark this and watch it again tomorrow and every day I need to wake up again. THANK YOU!
This was a fantastic intro to this serious. Like seriously. I feel like I am finally on my way to figuring out what to do with my life. I don’t want to be another shell. I want to have meaning. I am looking forward to the next video man. You are amazing. Keep doing what you are doing. Your struggle was your purpose because I bet you help so many people all around the world now find theirs. Cheers!
What if I am stuck? Like I want to do something with my life but I am not really good at anything. I don’t have higher education, I don’t have the money to afford it even if I wanted it, I don’t have anything right now. No girl, no house.. I basically have a crappy apartment with a crappy car to match my 9 to 5 crappy job. I know there is more but when you are looking around and see nothing it is hard to tell what the next step is.
Great! You are back teaching us something new and I don’t have time to watch the entire video! I will be coming back and most likely, with friends so that we can all learn together! They hate when I talk about your videos, but I am always like, HEY, they are awesome!
I feel like we are all trained to be victims and lead a life of victimhood. This has resulted in people not only being ungrateful but being so damn unhappy. I am only 19. I just finished High school this year. I see all the people around me chasing what pays the most so they can get the best car, the biggest house, and they all use the same method of doing this.. They play the “I am entitled because”. It is frustrating. I didn’t go to college this year. I wanted to figure out what I want in life before spending all that money on something I will only end up regretting. Very happy I found your video man. I want to see the next one. I hope it goes up soon.
Truth, right there! Been through this when it comes to self development and dating. Got really good with girls, my self esteem and confidence was on top, and boom, then I had a setback and felt almost even more insecure than before. Figured I had to find some deeper, long term fulfilment. Now I have an amazing girlfriend, and I keep on working on myself, and I feel happy and fulfilled in those areas, because they are always moving forward. It was you who taught me that “true fulfilment comes from progress”. Now it is the career, figuring out if what I’m doing now is what I want and if I can make a good living on it. And that’s a lot of work, a little bit more uncertainty than I’d prefer, and always about working to be better and to be acknowledged for it. And although I enjoy a lot of it, I don’t even know if this is what I want to do when I’m 40 (22 now, musician and producer), and it’s usually a lifestyle that is hard to fit with a family life. So I’m filling up every hour, being tired a lot and a little uncertain about the future. Lucky for me, I’m always pushing to grow and improve and to create a life I’m happy with, thanks to you among others. And I’ll keep doing that.
I think it comes down to knowing what you really want. Just because you have money, and the ladies, does not mean that something isn’t missing. So many people ask, “how can you be unhappy, you got the money?”. I hate hearing that and just feel like those people are idiots.
I feel the same way dude! I came here wondering if I was the ONLY one with the same problems, but as I read through some of these comments, I see that I am NOT alone. And that is going to help me overall. Thanks to everyone that has commented their thoughts, they are helpful!
How do you feel about that being on the outside looking in? After hearing all of the stuff he told you, what can you really do about it? I agree that coming here will help, but who is to say you are not going to be going right back to the same situation?
I thought I was going to be happy if I made it through college, got a couple of degrees, had a successful job and a great family life, but that was not the case after just 10 years. My wife and I went our separate ways and both of us cannot believe it. I am here hoping you can help me out!
Thanks again David. Your videos have really helped me out over the years. I never realized how lost I really was when it came to the ladies in my life and myself. You have really opened my eyes to the scenarios that surround my life all the time! I cannot wait for more videos!
most people get into relationships with the hopes that all the work will not have to come from their end. that is not the case. BOTH parties have to work together and when one of them feels out of the loop or not satisfied BOTH have a thing or two to do in order to make it right. Right?
David, you have done it again. You are making things so much easier for me to figure things out in my life! Totally awesome videos!
Great to hear. I cannot wait to check out more of his content. Thank you for posting your feedback!
It sounds like this guy FRED had it “all”. Then what was really the problem?
When it comes to things that are supposed to make my life a happy one, I screw that up all the time. It just does not make sense to me. How hard can it be to figure things out and just be happy about them? I feel like I am lost, but the first time I watched a video of yours, I could not believe I was not smarter about this sooner! Thank you!
No kidding right? I love David’s videos!
I love how confident you are in your videos. Tha really speaks volumes to the people that are watching and learning from you!
Thank you so much for coming around with another video. There is a lot to talk about with scenarios like this and most of the men out there, myself included, do not want to bring anything up or learn from the rest of us.
Has anyone ever sat back and realized where all of this information is coming from? Most of the time, I feel pretty experienced when it comes to having a great life and a happy marriage. But we all stumble a little bit once in a while. Why is it that every time I hear a new video from David, I am hearing something new? I just do not feel that is possible at my age.
Putting the time together to make these videos for other people really speaks volumes to what distance you will go to help out the fellow man. Thank you for your service and you should realize how gifted you are to be able to talk this way about a subject that most people will keep to themselves.
I have lived the burdened life. Or rather i am now. I have achieved and had a purpose. My wife n kids. But as usual she wasnt happy and cheated and poisoned my children. Im desperately searching for a purpose and fulfilment
I can’t imagine what it would be like to retire at 40. WOW! I’m 22 now and know that I still have 18 years until then but I still can’t believe this would be possible.
I want out of the hamster wheel! I’m sick of my 9 to 5 and want to learn what my purpose is. I’ve never felt happy and fulfilled!
I’ve met a lot of goals in my lifetime but I rarely felt fulfilled and relaxed. It’s like I need to jump from business to business and make it a success to prove myself that I am a success.
What you said in the video really resonated with me and my life right now. I feel like the best things and people in my life are going to leave me because of my negative energy. I need to do something about this and I long to feel happy again.
I don’t want to be on my death bed and regret my life. I want to feel like my life had some meaning and I want to feel I’ve done most of the things I dream of doing.
That heaviness is what I feel most days. It’s like I can’t find something that would make me feel like I’m worthy and not worthless. I so hate feeling this!
I need to find that passion for life as well. I feel like I’ve lost it and am just going with the flow most of the time.
Sorry to hear about that, Adrian. But what if your deepest pain was actually your greatest opportunity?
I want to feel fulfilled. I haven’t felt this in years. Please help!
Poor Fred. He had everything and he still wasn’t happy. I wonder what he was missing?
Thanks for the great video, David! That’s a nice place, where you are shooting this video. Where is it?
When are you releasing this? I want it yesterday!
I have no clue about what my purpose is. I hope this can help me, David.
I thought I knew my purpose in life but I was wrong and I had to hit the ground before realizing it.
Right now, life is slipping away from me with the wife leaving me and taking the kids. I’m tired and upset at myself and don’t know what to do.
I feel like Fred felt right now. I have everything I need (materially wise) but I don’t feel happy at all. Quite the contrary.
I can’t wait to get access to this!
From everything you’ve said it feels like we must learn to really, really treasure, live and enjoy the journey and not wait for the outcome. Reaching our goals is cool but the journey is all that matters.
Unfortunately you’re so right about it being 9 to 7 now instead of 9 to 5. We are working more and more and getting less and less out of it.
“What if the purpose that you have doesn’t pay the bills?” – this is me right here.
Awesome video,David. I love how well you explain the difference between achievement and happines including the great Robin Williams. Awesome to see you back!
“When i achieve x, i’ll finally feel like im enough”, truer words have never been said before. This has happend to be over and over again. With college, jobs, dating. It’s refreshing to see someone who really understands these topics. Looking forward to see your future video series.
Fred is my hero, hopefully i’ll be able to sign up for your program. I’m really interested in it. Is the next one coming any time soon?
Best wishes from Canada.
That’s exactly what I was thinking! Experiencing the journey of everything (whether you need to learn something and take and exam and you need to get your business to a certain level), everything is in the journey.
Day to day job are indeed a burden 100% agreed. This is why you’re my favorite out there. Man im happy you’re back. Waiting for your next serie impatiently.
My biggeset fear is looking back and hoping i had done things differently. Fortunately i’m still young (25 yrs old) and maybe this will be the moment i’ll turn things around. I’m very much looking forward to your process David.
I am 18, and for many years I led a life focused solely on achievement. Parents, societal values, and ingrained personal ideology led me to the false belief that by focusing on academics to the exclusion of all else, I would one day be able to live a life of happiness and ease–this is by far the greatest bullshit I have ever heard.
“Get this grade, enter this contest, get that award” is what I heard–and for a long time, even though the awards and good grades piled up, I didn’t feel any happier. I led a life of quiet desperation, burdened by expectations and an inordinate amount of work. Yet a little over a year and a half ago, I had a paradigm shift and realized that the work doesn’t have to be bitter in order for the reward to be sweet. We don’t have to slave away for decades just to enjoy the fleeting happiness that comes from retirement; it’s not the end goal, but the journey.
Enjoy the process and never feel burdened. Now in college, I do what I want, eat what I like, and live the life I deserve. I still achieve, but now, it’s not for myself, but for a better world. I look forward to hearing more from you David. 🙂
People around me think that I am the happiest person they know because of my achievements, talents, looks and social status. I am a hard worker, and I do the things that I love to do most first. However, I’m stressed as fuck and feel not only that it’s not enough but that I need to feel unfulfilled to want more and eventually reach the threshold between unhappy and happy. The truth is that most of my achievements and talents happenned not because of stress and unhappiness but because of passion, patience and luck. Maybe it’s time for me to pause and think about the true purpose of my life. Loved the video, Can’t wait to receive the next one !
Man, you keep being a God more and more, like holy F! 😀
It is hard here in Serbia, advancing and getting to the next milestone (←as you say) is a sluggish process.
But, somehow, I find to enjoy what I do in my life. AAaannnd then YOU come up and start explaining why that all is before I start doubting and getting worried over nothing 😀
There were many things I wanted to know, how things work and why are thing the way there are, but nobody knew how to tell me and explain things to me like you do, you are the only person to ever do that.
Lately, I have found myself finding answers – myself.
But that is all because you were there to plant that seed with me.
Thank you for all your selfless work and for giving good things to this world.
If there were a proper way to reward you for all of it, you would be like an emperor of the universe, a statue of you on every corner, your quotes in temples! The ManUp army solutes you! 😀
Hi,
I have lead a burdened life, destroyed a marriage and family, childish behaviours, struggling now to start again and to find a deep connection with someone, meet plenty of women but it goes no where. Scared of the future and of the past.
Thanks
Jamie
Love it, Kyle! Thanks for sharing!
Okay great read all these people stories.
What is next
Zervos
Hey Alex, I feel ya! Thank you for sharing. And you’ll love the rest of the video series!
My life is super burdened right now. Just got fired from a job that I was barely tolerating and now my entire career path is put on hold. This is the 4 time in ten years I get canned and I am just feeling like perhaps this isn’t the path I need to be on. I gotta figure out something fast though because I have three beautiful daughters depending on me to get it right fast. Relationship with the wife is just so tenuous and bad and it was never good to begin with, but I cheated several years ago (after allowing her to abuse me) and she cheated and we have just been in survival mode for a few years now and its all very draining now with a job search *again.
Wow, reading over that, I sound very burdened and I don’t want to be “that guy” wishing things had gone differently.
Looking forward to this video series good sir, thank you!
This fits me to a tee. I want to be happy and feel like enough is enough. I need this video.
That is so awesome to read about, Milos! Thank you!
My initial response started like this:
WTF dude? In your email you said: “I’ve channeled decades of learning, research, testing and experience into finding the answer. It’s a lot to share, but if you’d like to find out, you can get started with this video I’ve filmed for you.”
And then you waste 17 minutes of my very busy schedule rumbling on and on endlessly just trying to evoke bad experiences and feelings in me, and NOT giving even a clue about this “process”.
Yes, I know, you have to market, and from what I see, many people respond. I guess everyone gets their piece of the pie. Many people seem to think that they find your videos useful. Me, every time I watch one, I get angry for the time I wasted, listening to endless fluff talk, with one or two useful things here and there.
AND THEN, I thought that this is really good marketing. And maybe I have something useful to learn from you. So, thank you, really. Wise people have said: Don’t listen to what an expert says, look at what he does 😉
Thank you,
Nik
THANK YOU, David, for this video. I cannot wait for this video. Coming out of the separation and divorce, I cannot wait for the next video and the course Lifestyle Mastery.
-Ryan C.
It’s jamie not Janie sorry
Hey David,
I first thought my passion was art, but that quickly subsided as I grew… then , I thought it was football.. but after figuring out school wasn’t for me, I let my grades slip in high school and was never offered the football scholarship I always wanted. . Soon after I graduated though, I found a passion for music.
I began writing music. I, shortly after, met a guy who began teaching me how to produce music. I loved it. I fell in love with it so much, that I intended on going to school for music…. I was soon talked into going to school for OPT, by my dad. My heart wasn’t in it at all and I ended up dropping out of school TWICE in a 3 semester, 2 year time frame.
That lead me to my only option which was to find a job and work. . I’ve been working dead end job after dead end job since 09′, doing my own music on the side.
Saving up has been a pain in my ass these past few years and I’m so ready to be done with these 9-5’s. . Just looking for a way to finally start doing what I love to do for a living.
Yesterday, I lost my younger sister, a general acute illness (avoidable of course); I was watching from the last few weeks that she was having a burdened life, she was shouting in silence that her life was anything but fulfilling… really, really hurts and it’s difficult to see that “the system” is like that… more than the 3/4 parts of the people around the world are living a burdened life… at schools and universities they teach you how to succeed at your chosen career, not how to realize fulfillment at your own life and to share this fulfillment with your loved ones and the world indeed… so the rat race is the “norm” and the status quo sadly, and we think that “this is life”… every person, every case is different but everyone of us are “chasing” the same goal: Happiness and fulfillment, even searching and thinking that that kind of burdened life as David says will bring us that… there is not even one achievement that could bring us happiness and/or fulfillment, not even one… fulfillment is not dependent of any achievement… but there are several questions we could ask to ourselves, like: to realize your very felt purpose will help you realize fulfillment?… think twice before you respond… think again… fulfillment is not dependent of any achievement… but, “we are alive and we must be doing something, happiness will not arrive by itself” maybe someone could be thinking or saying, well… think, feel again… Another question could be: why people do not awake to “this reality” before the “biggest fall of their life or the dark night of the soul process or whatever”, well, because this is the kind of education and programing all of us are receiving from home (most of sadly), at schools, at “the streets”… it’s culture around the world… well, when you have “that good luck to have or receive” an insight about this comes the next question: when?, where?, with whom?, and so on… and the answers to all of them could come in company with fear, stress, doubt and a lot of strong seated mistaken beliefs at our own psyche or mind… well, I guess I’m making this a little too longer than needed but, just think, just feel… the answer could be closer than our own breathing…
Thank you all, thank you David
Trying to figure out one’s own purpose in life is quite a challenge especially if the person doesn’t even know where to begin. I’m 26 and in the 3rd year of my Ph.D. in China. My greatest challenge right now is to figure out how to start drawing the draft of my 1st paper, at the same time balance it out with part-time work hours and figure out what’s next after Ph.D.
The people I see and the experiences I have had are based on a false epistemology of life.
This believe comes from their protectors based on IFS therapy in a classic co-dependent behavior.
What I find fascinating is their anger is based on the actions they did to achieve that were not recognized by an outside influence. An achiever seeks validation from outside.
Example I have a friend named Tim and Tim is achievement drivin’ workaholic white knight. Tim will give up time with friends to go to work. He’s facilitating his boss who keeps Tim’s department understaffed because he can always get Tim to come in. Tim will pass up going out on Saturday night with friends to go to work. Tim is aware he is doing something unhealthy to his well being but that doesn’t stop him. Tim’s boss sees this as commonplace. Tim in facilitating his boss gets angry when his achievement goes unrecognized by his boss. This anger hampers Tim’s interactions with others.
Another fascinating fact about Tim’s actions is he keeps saying he will change his behavior when he gets outside validation. The validation Tim seems to need is verbal (like permission from a parent) not based on real world experiance. Tim received a bad review but since Tim is a achiever he worked harder and ignored his own well being more.
Hey great video
Hey great video I leaned a lot