What's The #1 Biggest Mistake Men Make With Women?
For over 13 years, I’ve coached thousands of men from over 87 countries to success, happiness, and fulfillment in dating, relationships, and lifestyle.
And whenever I speak and lecture around the world, a lot of guys come up to me and confess that…
They have fear and anxiety and feel like they’re “not good enough” around attractive women.
So, they think that they need “more.”
More stuff to say.
But this is a trap.
The truth is that you actually need to do less.
OK, let’s use an example.
When Robert Downey Jr. walks into a room, he doesn’t have to do much. You’ve already watched and loved his performances in Iron Man, the Avengers, Chaplin, etc.
So he’s already created a ton of “social value.”
That’s an extreme example, but it demonstrates the point:
Women respond better to guys who do LESS. In fact, if Downey Jr. tried to use too much “game” on a woman, she’d think there was something wrong with him! She’d think…
“Why is he putting so much effort in? Why is he trying so hard?”
It’d make her think that he was insecure… needy… and it’d KILL her attraction for him.
So look - I know you’re not Iron Man.
Neither am I. But I DID figure out how to use this secret to explode my clients’ success with women.
I call this, “The Do More Trap.”
It’s like quicksand. The more you do, the more you sink.
This principle explains why a king sits on the throne while everyone else comes to him and stands or kneels.
It's why women chase after rock stars, and how the band members can get someone else to pick out the prettiest ones and bring them to their rooms.
It’s why the male lion takes a nap all day and the females go out to hunt and bring him food and come to him to mate.
It’s why Leonardo DiCaprio came off more badass than Orlando Bloom.
Remember this one? DiCaprio just waved away little Justin Bieber, while Bloom went out of his way to fight him.
(If you don’t know what I’m talking about, google it; it’s one of those rare gossip stories that’s worth a read.)
The weak man flails his arms about wildly and rushes from place to place and accomplishes little.
The strong man waves a hand and his will is done.
Women like emotionally strong men.
Actually, women LOVE emotionally strong men. But without a solid understanding of this psychology, most men just end up undermining their attractiveness by trying to do MORE.
Why You Are Probably Turning Women Off
When I was trying to get better with women, I didn’t understand what it meant to be my "True Self," and I sure as heck didn’t understand the “Do More Trap.”
I thought I had to be funnier, tell more stories, get better routines or lines, etc., and I was guilty of running my damn mouth a million miles a minute whenever I was around a pretty girl.
Because really attractive women intimidated me. And deep down (even though I would never have admitted it back then), I felt like I didn’t really deserve them.
(Maybe you’ve felt the same)
So to make up for my insecurities and lack of confidence in my own self-worth… I’d talk a lot to try to impress her, or to justify my presence there… to do the “work,” so that she would like me.
So let me take you into the mind of an attractive woman. If you’re talking too much, she’s thinking, “He’s nervous. He’s insecure. He doesn’t think he’s good enough.”
(BTW, this is different from a man who talks a lot because he likes to, or because he’s in charge, confident, or having a fun time.)
In my new training program I’m about to release, one of the key topics I’ll be covering is the difference between the two.
For now, just understand that the “Do More Trap" afflicts almost all men, especially achievers…
Because they do more to try to cover up their (often unconscious) insecurities around really attractive women… and they don’t know any better.
But today, all that’s going to change… for you.
I’ve made a new video series for you explaining all of this. Just watch the first video in the series here on this page to get started. Check your inbox in the next couple days for when the next video will be released.
David Tian, Ph.D.
You are amazing man. I love this series already and we are only one video in. Can’t wait for the next one. I will be checking and checking for it. Thank you so much for all your research and help when it comes to dating. You have already helped me so much.
I’m very confident and I’m very talkative but right now. I recently broke up with my gf. And I went about it the wrong way by putting her and her family on blast on social media. When realized I was wrong I made my amends but now I’m in the position of I’m the do more trap of trying to win her back and the more I chase after her. More and more I lose
Let see what happen in the end of the history….
You are SPOT ON, David! I was engaged in my early 20’s to a guy who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. Over time, his cockiness I was attracted to felt like shots fired at me. I started losing interest. We were meant to move into a house together, he was buying it and I told him I don’t know about this anymore. Well, he laid everything on thick. He was buying me thoughtful gifts (ones I actually loved which he never did before, he never got me anything I liked unless I told him specifically what to get). He was doing romantic gestures. He finally changed his look (started dressing better, cut his hair)… But I was already done. His “do more” effort backfired because to me, it looked desperate and weak. I left him. I am not married to another man who acts nothing like this. Anyone watching this series, LISTEN TO DAVID! He knows what he is talking about. Take it from a woman.
Thank you for your kindness.
I am looking forward to watch the next video..
Like you said, akways have open mind to learn…
I have been guilty of this recently.
I had never been one to completely fold up and SIMP (as they call it nowadays) to women. But I would toe that edge with some of them.
It depended on what I was or was not getting from the relationship at the time. .
It mattered how we clicked or what the early, ‘glory days” stuff was like. The brain filters our pain and we romanticize those times.
Makes us ‘try harder’ or ‘fight for” the relationship.
I see that this was the deathblow in my most recent ‘friendship’, which began as me, a stranger, being someone completely new and outside her normal bubble. She was in quite a struggle in most aspects of her life, just leaving a pretty bad situation with a guy for 3 years.
I took her to places she would’ve never know of that she fell in love with. I hooked her up with people to employ her at a good wage and have much more freedom of her working conditions schedules, etc. More than once.
She fucked off every single thing that she declared she wanted and needed, then with her help I arranged with people I know, got those very things. And if stuck with, she always excelled.
But then she’d sabotage herself, fucking over my friends, and me.
And I still kept trying to help.
I think I became caught up in the narrative I was telling myself. Cap’n save a hoe, anyone?
Yeah men, before I knew it I was drowning in do more trap-isms …
I’m confounded that I ended up here. I’m not a pickup artist by any means. But, I do well with women generally. I often have pursuers that, though kind of annoying at times, is still a good place to be coming from.
Believe me it wasn’t always the case.
I was akward and clumsy around girls when I was younger. But I bloomed quicker than other guys when I was an adolescent. I was bigger, deeper voiced, and seemed more nature.
But I wasn’t aware of myself or of the mind of a woman early on.
My point is, it doesn’t matter when You get it, as long AS you get it. Just watch out. Experienced men get caught up in this trap too. Pay attention.
I just wanted to say I am looking forward to hearing about the solution to this. I have had problems with doing too much for women my whole life. I think it stems from taking care of my mother at a young age. I have to break the cycle of this and move away from this mindset or I think I will only continue to scare away women.
The do more trap sounds a lot like those scenarios you hear about where a friend is desperate to not lose his girlfriend or wife. He lays everything on heavy. The gifts, the words, the romantic gestures but by this time, it is likely a HUGE turn off to the gal. I have a friend who has done this a lot. I am going to share this series with him. I think it can help.
When I was younger, I spent a lot of time listening to my mum. She would often tell me that girls liked to feel like they are the center of your world. She basically got me in this mindset of borderline obsession, thinking girls loved this kind of attention. I ended up becoming the “needy one” in my circle of friends. I think my mom was coming from a place of anger and heartache since my father was out of the picture when I was only 4 years old. I have only seen him 2 times since then and I am now 32. I am ready to break this habit.
Very interesting and true from my experience.
It makes sense i cant wait to see the next video.
Getting out of a 15 year relationship basically left me clueless as to what works with meeting women, especially as an already shy and introverted guy. Currently 34 and talking to two women using these methods.
“Try hard”… LOL! I have heard that a lot. My ex wife told me this a lot our last year of marriage. I never realized how needy I was until I started watching your videos David. This series actually feels like it is meant for me. Since my divorce and being aware of my faults, I am still struggling to meet women and keep lasting relationships. I hope this series finally gets me out of my own head.
Hey your spit on that’s about I am in my life sounds so familiar in my life.. looking forward to getting back on track and fixing my situation..
Hey thanks making this video. Makes thinks more sense. I am in my life sounds so familiar in my life.. looking forward to getting back on track and fixing my situation..
My sister always told me to be a lion, not a lioness. I think she got it right. I remember hearing about the Bieber thing with Bloom. The first thought when I heard about it was “good for him!” and “I would have beat his face in harder!”. Now that I am older, looking back on that and how I viewed similar situations… You are absolutely right. That comes from a place lacking self confidence.
I like that you use comparisons that a person can relate to when explaining something. I have watched a lot of videos about men meeting women, keeping women, etc. but no one has ever done this. I enjoyed the first video a lot. My only complaint is that the music is a bit too loud. I would rather have more focus on your voice. Looking forward to the next one David, thank you.
The upstream thing makes sense. When you are trying to do more and more for other people, you end up getting taken advantage of. I have been with women who loved this at first but over time, they would just lose interest with me. For the longest time I thought I was the problem when it really came down to me doing too much.
I have watched a lot of your videos and I am very excited for this new series. I have spent YEARS trying to please women and I forced it. I actually ended up depleting myself. Such an eyeopener when you realize that this is a problem and not a solution to a problem. I actually feel more free already. Can’t wait for the next video!
You have a certain of talking, more elevated than others from this industry and this is a very big plus for me. Thank you for trying to improve the dating niche and for showing us there’s a better way!
Who wouldn’t love to have to work less and attract more women (or at least some once in a while)? I sure would! Your first video is great and I can’t wait to see more, much more. I would love to learn how to be cool around beautiful women that usually make me feel weird, ugly, etc.
I’ve seen others in this niche ask for money to share the tips you’ve just given away for free! I’m very impressed and can’t wait for more!
Is it just me or does is seem strange to see a PhD. create a course on picking up women?
I’m 20 years old and I still don’t know how to properly ask someone out on a date. I’m not great looking but also not ugly and I just feel I need some good tips to try.
How much will the program be, David?
My last girlfriend dumped me for another guy and I’ve been in the dumps ever since. I can’t seem to get back on my feet (dating wise) no matter what I try.
I would do the opposite – no wonder I wasn’t able to keep a date. I would do more and more and more. All the time, I would do more because that’s what seems logical to me. I have so much to learn.
I’ve just got caught up in the do more trap with my current partner we were partners before and worked in the same place before it closed. When we split up we lost contact with each other but when we did get back with each other two years ago she caught me out in the trap last year and this year. But your help David is very much appreciated.
Does your program teach us how to get 2-3 girls to fight for us? Would love to learn to do this.
It’s so interesting to learn about this approach. It’s quite different than anything else I’ve heard about so I’m very interested in hearing more – while I do less :))
I always tried very hard to collect phone numbers from girls I like but it never worked out very well for me. Now I know why.
I can usually get a date from 8-10 tries so nothing special and I would like to improve on this number. Hopefully your course will help me.
Are you serious? This actually works? I will have to try it out on some girls from school and see how it goes.
Your approach seems genuine and interesting and if your course is like this then it’s worth the money. I tried some other dating type course and they were so and so and I’m now ready for a real good one.
Is this program or course going to be just for men? Can women also learn something from it?
Having problems understanding what less means in this case. What should be done and what should be avoided when trying to pick up a girl you like?
I would like to be with 3 women at the same time. It might sound selfish and weird but that’s what excites me at the moment.
Been out of the game for 7 years (been married) and can’t seem to remember how to do this right so anything helps at this point.
Can I get girls to like me even if I am not that good looking? Not ugly, just average.
What if the girl actually likes it when you show her you like her, when you do more? What do you do then? Should you do less?
I would love to know the actual science behind these affirmations. Why does a girl get more attracted to you when you do less instead of the other way around?
You have a certain way to look at things. I feel very connected to this way of thinking and I await your next free videos to learn more.
Many dating gurus out there are so full of BS but you seem to be a regular Joe like us. You seem to let science do the talking. Your video was very entertaining and filled with golden nuggets.
I got dumped hard after a 10 year relationship and I’m really down right now. I don’t know what to do because we’ve been together for so long and now it’s just over.
Already tested a few dating courses and nothing worked like I would have liked. I am willing to spend more money on this but I want results. Can you offer any guarantees that I will be able to attract women faster and easier after your course?
After watching your video, it all makes perfect sense! I’ve seen this exact thing done by guys thousands of time (when they do less instead of more) and they end up getting the girl and I always wondered how they did it. Sometimes, they just ignore a girl and she seems to like them even more because of that.
Your course sounds like the right thing for me right now. I’m between girlfriends and I want to up my game to be able to get more dates. I’m still young and want to experience new things until I settle down.
It’s very hard to believe you can go from no girls to many girls flocking around you by just learning when to do less and of course, learning how to speak around girls.
I’m very excited about the things I learned from your video and I want to try to do less but don’t really know how to approach a woman first. How do I do it? What do I say? What shouldn’t I do?
I would love to know what to say to a woman to get her attention and maybe her phone number. Could you share something like this?
Awesome David, i’ve been getting your courses since 2016, i’m really excited for the new series.
That Paul story reminds me how i used to be before finding these series last year. Memorizing lines, reading everything what to do and what to do on first dates etc. Nothing worked until i had found these courses.
“Best way to manipulate the river is to surrender in its stream.” I’m really happy you’re back! Looking forward to see more content 🙂
lol, it’s so true what you said about the rockstars. I recently saw bohemian rapsody with is a movie about Queen. It’s insane how much girls they got and little to no effort went in.
It’s crazy how the wild life shows the lessons for evey thing. Like your example with Lions, same thing goes for other pride leaders like Elephants, chimps etc
Last year I got out of a toxic relationship and the break up messed up my mindset. I tried moving on and approaching other women but it always ended in me getting rejected because I fell into the “Do more trap.” David, I’m super thankful I found you, man. I’m ready to make a change in my life.
I’m 54 but look 44, I am slim, dress nice and blond my hair. Suddenly 3 18/19 year olds and a 24 year old I’ve found out think I’m attractive and would date me if I asked. Should I go out with one of them? I’ve never been married or had any serious relationship so dating comes hard for me so maybe I should and get used to being out with a woman?
I really need the videos and tips in this course as a 20 year old guy who has habitually struggled with women, and felt insecure, felt like I’m not good enough, felt like I don’t look good enough for women.
Awesome stuff! Can’t wait for more!
David, I want to thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. My dating life in the past couple of years has been rather sad. I have been using Facebook singles pages and somehow attracting older women who are only looking for a Toy Boy and somehow the women my age or younger which are of idea with the kind of women I know I deserve have not been coming into my life. However I know in my heart that I have been under the do more trap, sometimes I would not say nothing cause of that fear or anxiety etc. In the past week or two I am actually seeing attractive women look at me, talk to me more as I have been working on my self. I removed porn from my life, I do Nofap and Semen retention and my anxiety, fears are gone, I feel confident in my self to just say hello and talk to any attractive women who work in a mall, on the street anywhere. I was watching videos and read the book by Corey Wayne and while some of his stuff has been really helpful I found it was to much of playing games with women and actually led me to being rejected because I wasn’t being my self. Thank you for having this stuff and your videos available please keep up with the videos as I believe these will be the key to change my dating/relationship life and results forever!
That’s great, Paul!
You know, you are very right. I never dated a woman, and since I was old enough to appreciate the opposite sex, I just wanted a cute woman’s affection. Someone to do things with, to comfort me when I get distraught over the loss of a friend, someone to share my first intimate experience with, that sort of thing. Until recently, I had been really eyeing this one woman, although I am starting to believe that she is damaged psychologically. I did a lot to get her into my life, until she made it clear that she did not want me, even calling me “pathetic”, and saying that my life was “sad”. I hope that taking up your program/ being part of your community will bring in someone much better into my life.
You are so right David. As much as I know and read and studied, you make sense. TY for the first video, and I am waiting for more.
I fell into this trap with my Wife. I thought I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. But We’re in the process of divorce now. We’ve been separated since Oct’ 19. Wish I had found You a year ago. Maybe I could have saved it or maybe I still can. But keep the videos coming and I’ll keep watching
Thank you so much for explaining things because i am one of those in the do more trap , it seems im only good enough to be around when she needs something, and yes ive made some bad financial decisions along the way from expensive jewelry , clothes and even making her house payment to buy a lsrge suv just to want a relationship with her, but instead i get told we are just good friends. I never thought i was a needy person but as i begin watching your videos it describes me very well. And its time for change .
Hello, I am totally stuck in the Do More Trap! When does the next video come out?
Thanks for the video .yes iam in the middle of the do much trap and I need a solution . I do every thing for this lady but I have a feeling of insecurity I hope to get help from you .my regards Mike.
Have had great connections with ladies in the past, only for it all to fall apart a couple of dates in, and I’m left wondering what just happened? That is still a mystery.
But other dates I have totaly over cooked, ( I know that now after watching this video), due to my base insecurity. Can’t wait for the next one , cheers.
Awesome video.Totally appreciate what you do. I recently finished watching the your “desire system “, and I’m interested in learning more. Not just for romantic relationships but to rebuild and attract better relationships and friendships. Thank you man.
Admittedly, my issues extend past dating. I’m a decent-to good looking shy guy with mild autism, social and phone anxiety,fragile self-esteem and confidence, and crowds/sensory overload is an issue for me. I have a good job and handle my business but me finding love in a game where, if the guy isn’t a rockstar or hunk, he’ll be expected to take the initiative, be the leader, and be the alpha-male in every situation and that just isn’t me. I agree that doing more to attract women is a waste of time and just makes a guy seem even less authentic…it would be like trying to please a high-maintainence girlfriend (no thank you) that isn’t even there. Definitely looking forward to the second video. It’s a bad way to look at it but, if guys that beat their women can still get them, then someone who’s shy but wants a woman to feel safe around him should be able to find a way to be with someone he’s attracted to. Good stuff.
I’m certainly guilt of the “do more” thing, but less so in the last few years. But I find that there’s a definitive balance between not overdoing it, and letting the woman know I’m interested in her. I’ve had women lose interest in me because (in her words), I wasn’t doing enough. So I’m curious how this series addresses that balance that needs to be struck.
Thanks so much David. After spending money on so so annoying courses which really werent me at all, trying to see where I have been going wrong with women, I had no more money left and was going nowhere. They were so not me they were making things worse. I can already feel yours is different and your giving it to me for free, I can be myself, the others will be forgotten.
Great video, really resonated with me.
Especially about hitting rock bottom. I’m currently going through a separation with my now ex-wife of 17 years and its gut wrenching. The lack of confidence to just feel somewhat normal – you can’t describe it. I have definitely been stuck in the do more trap – but in my marriage. So i’m super please to have found this. Thank you David – i’m looking forward to spending more time on this!
I am glad that I came upon this when I did…. I am currently in a relationship that she has asked for space. We have a beach trip scheduled for this weekend and I am definitely afraid of falling into the “Do More Trap”!!!! I am so in love with this woman… we have expressed our thoughts to each other about marriage and raising a family and spending the rest of our lives together. Yet, now she doesn’t know if she sees herself with me. She is coming out of a divorce and has admitted that she is scared. I just don’t know what to do…. except pray.
That was super helpful and now I know why my last relationship went to shit….. women don’t want guys to do things for them as they claim… I was totally in the “do more trap”
Yes, me. until now. It seems to lead them to doing less. you’d think the reciprocity gene would kick in but it doesn’t always work that way. instead they may think wow kind of needy I don’t want to do anything to encourage more of that behavior…. too much pressure/obligation etc
You are right on point
This makes way too much sense to just be a coincidence. I bless my lucky stars that I’m figuring this out at the ripe age of 20. My experience with the Do More trap was when I was still in college, at a program I thought I loved. Every day was a struggle, but it was justified as one day I would be qualified to get a job in coding. Then, near the end of my second semester, I could feel my motivation disappearing until it vanished altogether. I dropped out, went my own way, and everything started falling into place. It’s been just over a year since and if I had to make the decision again, I would.
Thanks for your video. I am really excited to under What not to do and getting confidence.
Great video! I look forward to hearing more about what you have to say.
thanks for the video ,its was an experience that i had two weeks ago ,trying to justify a fall out behaviour on our date .the more i keep sending message the its getting worst .its really called DO MORE TALK
Dude this is tite. It’s refreshing to hear/read about certain problems and solutions that relate on a personal level.
Dear, Dr. Tian
I just wanted to take the time to say thank you so much for everything that you’re doing to help out guys like myself who want to become better men with women. I cannot thank you enough for your generosity and kindness. I truly see the depth and thought that you put into all of your work! I find you to very, genuine, relatable, intelligent, down to earth. I’m very excited for the new training video that you have created. Please continue to do your best along the line of duty. I can see quite clearly that you have talent for this and I know countless more guys and men need your help.
Thanks again so much for putting this new video series together and everything else that you’re doing. I really enjoyed the first video and I’m stoked to see what else you have in store.
Thank you, Daniel, for appreciating and letting me know! Enjoy the rest of the series! –David
Very true very relevant especially where u talk about where ur half into the quick sand stage really risky otherwise love the video i always a new lesson that help me become an ideal man for my ideal woman
I saw this play out 1st hand with friend very close to me. He was dating a young woman for nearly 2 years and with what seemed at the time a sudden break up. But there were signs, she was becoming more and more distant, spending more time with her friends. As the relationship declined my good friend just couldn’t let go and spiraled down this never ending black hole of contacting her more and more, too an absolute point of embarrassment and potentially undermining his career. Now working to using this program to help him move on in life by reflecting to his inner self find inner confidence.
So far so good!
When will videos 2-4 come out…
Quicksand….I’m there. Help!!!!!!
I learned a long time ago about this concept but never had a name for it. In various jobs that I have had, I had to do occasional group tours around the facility and what struck me, oddly enough, was that the women in the group would start asking me more questions than the men. As the tour ended, I would be surrounded by women asking more personal questions. I would just flirt/tease with all of them and even date some of them. I figure that it was my extensive knowledge that aroused them and some of them confirmed it as they explained that I was projecting confidence that they have not seen previously.
I AM in the “Do More Trap” right now.
After all the years of rejection, and abuse flung onto me, I honestly was treated like a dog. Knowing no way out, and how to change my perspective on the spiralling destructive pathway.
I need help.
Even though I am currently taking Counselling, my sincere hope is that there will be greater things for me to conquer. As this Course continues on through.